She had shifted to a new doman and She is back!

Added Good Stuff!

For the last 3days, I had a wonderful encounter wif God. He had used various God-fearing believers to share lessons of great value to me.

Many of you knew that I had been praying and trying to get a placing in NIE. My passion for teaching had not ceased. Thus, I applied for a post in teaching recently. I hoped and prayed that I’ll be able to get in this time round since the demand of teachers will increase in 2005 when the classroom will be shrink to 30pupils instead of the current 40pupils.

Two Fridays ago, I received a letter from MOE… I torn open the envelope. Yes, I was rejected again for the 7th time. Hai. Rejected again!!! However, this time round I wasn’t so devastated compared to 10mths ago. I wasn’t going to give up yet. I told myself I’ll try again next mth.

Frankly, I was still abit sore abt the whole thing…

Last Fri… there was a change in the meeting of the CG(Covenant Group). My CG, lighthse 1 was to get another CG, lighthse 2. There was a sharing from a bro, Sebe abt seeking God and knowing God’s will for me. An interesting topic.

Most of the time, we seek God in eg. A change of vocation, higher education, marriage etc… but not what we eat, what we wear… etc.

From the sharing, Sebe shared abt in order for us as Christians.

We need to know the Father’s heart… He used Psalm 103 and some others verses to share. Psalm 103 which describes of God attributes. A wonderful psalm indeed. Another verses that really ministered to me… is Jn 15:15. “15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

In order to know seeking and knowing God’s will for us…

I need to have a growing relationship wif God. A cultivating relationship wif the Lord. If I don’t have such intimate relationship… when God show me from daily routine eg. making my bed… when God said something abt making my bed is like making my Christian walk with the Lord straight and neat…

I will not be sensitive to such lesson from daily routine… in my big and small decision.

Ways to cultivate such relationship…

1) Thru a quality Quiet Time

2) Communication wif the Lord, prayer

3) Most impt thing is I want and desire to do that…

I like this quote… “What is the differences btw a disciple and a lover of God when they forget to do their QT? A disciple will say, “Sorry, Please forgive me Lord, I forget do QT.” A lover will say, “Lord, I miss you.”

On Sat, I had a great MTM(Man to Man) session wif Wee Leong. I shared abt my rejection from MOE… Told him abt my decision on applying again… and the sharing on last fri.

I told him abt God gave me the 1st vision in my 10yrs of walk wif the Lord… Ps 20:4 “4May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”

That’s why I wasn’t going to give up the application.

He showed two other verses, Ps 21:2 “2You have granted him the desire of his heart

and have not withheld the request of his lips. Selah ”

Ps 37:4 “4Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

God will grant the desire my heart when I delight myself in Him first… and having the desire will meet that my desire and His desire must go in line together. I need to give up this desire to God first and allow God to use it… If it according to His desire… God will definitely give it back to me.

As I was reflecting, I realised that how often I come to the Lord with my own agenda. I wasn’t interested to know God’s agenda for me…

Often when I come to the Lord merely to ask for His suggestion… like wat Sebe shared. “God should I study Maths or Physics? When God said, “Study Maths!” “Thks God, I will study Physics”

I’m taking Him for granted… I have belittled God… who is suppose to be my LORD and Saviour…

What kind of attitude is that! How absurb!

Wee Leong helped me to realised that I need to let this desire to go into teaching died… so that if it’s God’s desire too… He will definitely give it back and make the path clear in my favour.

Not that, I test and try and try again and again… hopeful the door will somehow open… 7th times I was rejected… what is the learning point? God had closed the door… I had not allow God to look at the agenda… I wanted to press God’s button. “God, I want this to happen. Make it happen!

I had not surrendered it to the Lord.

Sun… today. It’s the last lesson on the BGR(Boy Girl Relationship). It had been postponed for 2wks b’coz of SARS.

God brought people like Kwoon Yong to shared abt Self Image.

There are things in my life I wished I could change.

B’coz often I see myself in 2 Ways:

1) lowly than God sees me

2) higher than God sees me

The 1st and 2nd is not a healthy way of looking at myself…

Kwoon Yong suggested that I shld see myself as God sees me… significant and competent in Him.

I can’t find my significant in gf or wife… it’s the reverse. My signification can only be found in Him.

Siang Hon, the next speaker shared abt the difference btw King Saul and David.

David was a man after God’s heart whereas Saul wasn’t.

I need to be like David running AFTER God’s heart… not BEFORE or BEHIND but just AFTER God’s heart.

Later he shared abt the 4Ms

1) Master

2) Mission

3) Mate

4) Me

1. I must know my who is my Master. 2. I must know what my Mission/Purpose for me. 3. Then God will provide this Mate. 4. I need to make the Me to be the ONE if I want my future partner to make all my expectations. I have to be able to one who can fulfil my own expectations with God’s help of coz.

Rebecca shared the 4Es

1) Esteem in Christ

2) Expectation of my future partner

3) Enjoy my singlehood

4) Entrust my life

When the whole sharing ended… Matt told us that we are shld give the ladies a yellow rose each and tell them that we appreciated them and they are fearfully and wonderfully made… Praise God for this act of appreciate the leaders had told of.

I had no problem giving flowers to ladies… but for the most of the rest of the guys were struggling like mad… so nervous. Hee… nevertheless, we all gave and appreciate the ladies…

The last segment was a testimony of Ronald and Loo Yi… it’s was wonderful sharing of how God uses the mistakes of man… and later on turn the table around and blessed the relationship. Very touching testimony…

The leaders wanted to end the evening wif a time of worship… little do I all know that God have another agenda for me…

Matt led in a time of submission and surrender. Allowing God to heal the past relationships, relationship at home, I struggled with some of these issues… He later on challenged us stand in response to it. He told us that we need to received such healing if not we will not be able to go into a relationship wif out these baggage.

Finally, I decided to surrender the past relationships which crippled me… as I started to recall… tears began to steam down my eyes… it’s so difficult to let God take it… coz it means that I have to rip up the wound which I wanted hid for so many years and recent years. It’s just too overwhelming for me… my heart broke.

I cried like a baby…

As the worship continued… there was a sense of slow and sure assurance from the Lord. I began to open my eyes… and saw many of my brothers and sisters were oso weeping… some of them even fell down on the ground flat… Pastor Swee Boo and other bros were praying for them…

One of the bros was experiencing tremendously pain… I dun know actually what happened to his life… but I knew inside he was hurting so much. Crying so loudly… Josh and I just fell on our knees so prayed for this bro… It’s had been so long since I experienced God touching some many lives in the deep issue. Including my own issues.

I’m just so glad that God had touched so many pple today… though it maybe a kind of good sensation… it doesn’t mean that I’m heal immediately but it’s definitely a new beginning for me… and for many of my brothers and sisters out there.

We lived in a distorted society where we want to find our significant in many places… as Christians it’s doesn’t mean that we don’t struggled wif it… all the more we struggled. We maybe very good in our bible study, leading worship, playing the guitar, drums etc…

We have come to a stage when we find our security in our grades, studies, jobs… our heart had be so hardened… or rather we are scared that the person next to us whom we share will think lowly of us when we sharing such struggles.

As for me, my healing process had just started… and I thanked Lord for this time of unspoken agenda.


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